Unsleep

[REW]

(This is in response to Todd's Too Restless to Sleep. His is better, but it was fun to write this.)

The wild of trees
leaf-bare, insomniacal (I was wondering if this would work better as a title and if you moved your
in chill wind. title unsleep or unsleeping here).
Wind gathers around me

in the not-dark not-light (Perhaps move this up and combine into one stanza?)
other state,
peaceless and unquiet.

Shh, I tell everything
that voices itself.
Still rustles and chirrs
sound and repeat in rhythmless
chorus,

no silence
to be found. Not here,
and not afterward.

~~~

V. 2

The wild of trees
bare of leaf, insomniacal
in chill wind.
Wind gathers around me

in the undark unlight (I didn't have an issue with the use of hyphens in the original.  Here though I feel there are too many un starting words.  Perhaps undark not-light???)
other state,
peaceless and unquiet.

Shh, I tell everything
that voices itself.
Still rustles and chirrs
sound and repeat, rhythmless.

No silence
to be found. Not here,
not afterward.

Hi,

I added some comments after your lines in both of the versions that you have.  I think some slight tweaking and you will have your version IMO.  One thought I have is that it would be cool to add some of the voices and that they sound and repeat rhythmless, instead of stating it to show it.

I like the idea of awakeness outside.