Twice
#4
(04-21-2016, 09:51 AM)lr3ke100 Wrote:  I don't know what it's missing but it seemed to me incomplete. I'll revisit this and have more feedback soon. Definitely feels like it is lacking something..
I was feeling playful when this was wrote but maybe it could use some polish.

Thanks for reading and commenting

Luna

(04-21-2016, 10:31 AM)Achebe Wrote:  The first line looks a bit too long for a song
But 'taint wrong, if you feel fondly about it
Let it remain, through ir3ke feel strongly about it :-)
Thanks for reading.
In your own, each bone comes alive
the skeleton jangles in its perfunctory sleeve....

(Chris Martin)
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Messages In This Thread
Twice - by LunaDeLore - 04-16-2016, 10:31 AM
RE: Twice - by lr3ke100 - 04-21-2016, 09:51 AM
RE: Twice - by LunaDeLore - 04-22-2016, 06:25 PM
RE: Twice - by Achebe - 04-21-2016, 10:31 AM
RE: Twice - by Munchkin4065 - 04-27-2016, 04:08 AM
RE: Twice - by LunaDeLore - 05-01-2016, 09:29 PM
RE: Twice - by Barbito - 04-28-2016, 12:40 AM



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