One Second Later

[REW]

One Second Later


Sometimes rain falls.
Sometimes it sounds like laughter.
Sometimes it's driven against steel by sudden winds and shatters,

yet,

all space and things become still in a moment.
A narrowing of a man's eye;
a small smirk;
which begins something horrible, inevitable,
and utterly hilarious.

Hi Matt,

For me this poem is about mental illness, how after a sudden quiet anything can happen basically.  If rain represents the mind and its manifestations of laughter, or of becoming fierce, or of shattering, then I question your use of the word yet.  Maybe the word then?  Or writing "all space and things [can] be still in a moment, [then]  a small smirk..."

The poem speaks of being Bipolar or a little touched or maybe a lot touched, like when suddenly someone is laughing hysterically over something someone else is horrified over.

It seems to me that this could use a bit of tweaking.  Right now the poem has a structure in the first stanza and even a bit of rhyme.  Then the second half has no structure to compare to the first.  If you would like to have a lack of structure to indicate the explosion of madness after silence, then perhaps making it more drastically disorganized or explosive in format for the second stanza?

So those are some of my thoughts.  My sense is that I like what you have here, but I feel like you are not done with this yet.