On Having Lost Natalie

[Keith]

Hi Sean
You have created a wistful feel to the poem and you have a very nice approach to the phrasing of many lines, if I could offer advice it would to consolidate the images into a couple of stanzas that really get across your point to the reader. Think about me, what am I to take away from your poem, visually you have some stunning lines that when presented as a story board will leave something that  lasts, at the moment its all a bit too much for me to take in and I cannot truly grasp what happens. Hope this helps and you spend some time on an edit it really is worth it. Best Keith

Thank for the feedback Keith. I think you're right, I've probably sacrificed coherence in trying to evoke a visual feeling. After all, it's just another break up poem lol.

---

I wanted to name it "For Natalie Who'd Never Understand This"

even more reason to bring new light through old windows, someone should die