04-20-2016, 03:12 AM
I'm not a big fan of enjambment, and certainly not here. Lines before the enjambment:
"A volume beckoned me to pry
its body open. I obliged,
and secrets slipped inside."
This could be lines of erotica. I get caught with the "slipped inside" every time I read it. It is disruptive to the poem. The enjambment only heightens this, it is neither clever or useful. It seems merely an attempt at cleverness, and since when is cleverness something one should shoot for?
Don't overdo things with the hyperbolic speech, doing so almost makes the poem a parody of itself.
Nice solid iambic tetrameter with rhyming couplets. I like the off, or slant rhymes, kept it from becoming boring.
Overall a very good poem, just needs some toning down.
dale
"A volume beckoned me to pry
its body open. I obliged,
and secrets slipped inside."
This could be lines of erotica. I get caught with the "slipped inside" every time I read it. It is disruptive to the poem. The enjambment only heightens this, it is neither clever or useful. It seems merely an attempt at cleverness, and since when is cleverness something one should shoot for?
Don't overdo things with the hyperbolic speech, doing so almost makes the poem a parody of itself.
Nice solid iambic tetrameter with rhyming couplets. I like the off, or slant rhymes, kept it from becoming boring.
Overall a very good poem, just needs some toning down.
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.