04-18-2016, 12:00 PM
Tree in the distance, twisted and writhing,
Serpentine branches, reaching and trying,
Each day slowly it grew reaching t'ward skies,
Endlessly searching for god knows what prize,
Oh tree, it pains me, you fight everyday,
Working yourself hard, t'ward an early grave,
Perhaps I'm wrong your just grasping for stars,
Thither they are afar from your short arms,
Maybe it's visual the game that you play,
To grow bigger than your neighbours display,
Can it be, that a tree sees more than me?
For are they not the more stern, solemn and wise?
Tree without mouth or words you have left thee,
Pondering these questions, thoughts and surmise
I like the edit and the work as a whole it has a nice philosophical feel.
My suggestion is that you would separate your lines into 3 groups:
Group 1: L-1 to L-4 - What the tree is doing.
Group 2: L-5 to L-8 - The commentator’s feelings about what the tree is doing.
Group 3: L-9 to L-14 - The commentator’s revelation (awe), that there might be more here than what meets the eye.
Serpentine branches, reaching and trying,
Each day slowly it grew reaching t'ward skies,
Endlessly searching for god knows what prize,
Oh tree, it pains me, you fight everyday,
Working yourself hard, t'ward an early grave,
Perhaps I'm wrong your just grasping for stars,
Thither they are afar from your short arms,
Maybe it's visual the game that you play,
To grow bigger than your neighbours display,
Can it be, that a tree sees more than me?
For are they not the more stern, solemn and wise?
Tree without mouth or words you have left thee,
Pondering these questions, thoughts and surmise
I like the edit and the work as a whole it has a nice philosophical feel.
My suggestion is that you would separate your lines into 3 groups:
Group 1: L-1 to L-4 - What the tree is doing.
Group 2: L-5 to L-8 - The commentator’s feelings about what the tree is doing.
Group 3: L-9 to L-14 - The commentator’s revelation (awe), that there might be more here than what meets the eye.