One Second Later

[shaan]

One Second Later


Sometimes rain falls. When rain falls
Sometimes it sounds like laughter. At the end I would replace period with a comma
Sometimes it's driven against steel by sudden winds and shatters, This line can be composed with less words

I would recompose L1 - L3 like something below:
When rain falls
Sometimes it sounds like laughter,
And sometimes it creates the music 
As driven against  steel by sudden winds
And it shatters.

yet,

all space and things become still in a moment.  All space and time become idle in a moment
A narrowing of a man's eye;
a small smirk;
which begins something horrible, inevitable,
and utterly hilarious.

In my opinion,
The (L1-L3) are very poetic but L5-L9 are not matching up with the first three lines.  I would spend some more time to these lines.  All the very best.