04-14-2016, 10:39 PM
Hi Jeh,
I failed to find the corelation between the title and the poem.
Most of the time, a Poem's last stanza/line is concluding the whole
poem which also supports the poem's title.
L1 is a very good start but L2 - L5 are not very well composed.
L6 is a nice thought but again L7 - L10 are scattered and not well composed.
If I look at
L11: I can make love without touching
This line should conclude the poem but then whole poem has to be re-written
so all the metophores are in place and a reader is not going in a questioning mod.
I also couldn't figure out why some words are capitalized in the middle of the line.
I would suggest a rewrite of this poem with more composed thoughts.
I failed to find the corelation between the title and the poem.
Most of the time, a Poem's last stanza/line is concluding the whole
poem which also supports the poem's title.
L1 is a very good start but L2 - L5 are not very well composed.
L6 is a nice thought but again L7 - L10 are scattered and not well composed.
If I look at
L11: I can make love without touching
This line should conclude the poem but then whole poem has to be re-written
so all the metophores are in place and a reader is not going in a questioning mod.
I also couldn't figure out why some words are capitalized in the middle of the line.
I would suggest a rewrite of this poem with more composed thoughts.