04-12-2016, 04:40 PM
You
Some of the best love poems are reality based and not vague or obscure.
There were what seemed to be several throw away lines. L2- pour fourth L8 drinking from this cup. Are these really the lines you would use to express your love? Or did you just think they sounded poetic? I would recommend starting over with words that are meaningful to you. Don't think clever think love
(04-07-2016, 08:20 PM)jeh Wrote: Yes, this commits one of those basic poetry crimes and is about love, but is it at all interesting to the reader anyway?Reading your poem is like reading a poem made up of clever lines. I do not feel passion in them.
Title: Touch
I fail to ASTOUND you
but my words still pour forth
as a LIFETIME can exist
in the space
between your eyes and mine. The best
I am a mendicant of love
hands scarred in stigmata of passion,
drinking from this cup, bitter and sweet,
these hands creating music
to avoid reaching for that which they will never hold;
I can make love without touching --
keep smiling
laugh I pray
Some of the best love poems are reality based and not vague or obscure.
There were what seemed to be several throw away lines. L2- pour fourth L8 drinking from this cup. Are these really the lines you would use to express your love? Or did you just think they sounded poetic? I would recommend starting over with words that are meaningful to you. Don't think clever think love