04-12-2016, 11:26 AM
Hello,
I fail to ASTOUND you
but my words still pour forth
as a LIFETIME can exist
in the space
between your eyes and mine.
You have a very nice start to your poem. Maybe put a period after "my words still pour forth" then continue
with "Unspoken thoughts can exist in the space between your eyes and mine." I was questioning why the caps were there.
I am a mendicant of love
hands scarred in stigmata of passion,
drinking from this cup, bitter and sweet,
these hands creating music
to avoid reaching for that which they will never hold
I like where you were heading with this. Mendicant could be replaced with inquirer. I would take out a few lines. Suggestion: I am an inquirer of love with hands that create music to avoid reaching that which they will never hold.
I can make love without touching --
keep smiling
laugh I pray
"I can make love without touching" is beautiful!
Best of luck,
Danielle
I fail to ASTOUND you
but my words still pour forth
as a LIFETIME can exist
in the space
between your eyes and mine.
You have a very nice start to your poem. Maybe put a period after "my words still pour forth" then continue
with "Unspoken thoughts can exist in the space between your eyes and mine." I was questioning why the caps were there.
I am a mendicant of love
hands scarred in stigmata of passion,
drinking from this cup, bitter and sweet,
these hands creating music
to avoid reaching for that which they will never hold
I like where you were heading with this. Mendicant could be replaced with inquirer. I would take out a few lines. Suggestion: I am an inquirer of love with hands that create music to avoid reaching that which they will never hold.
I can make love without touching --
keep smiling
laugh I pray
"I can make love without touching" is beautiful!
Best of luck,
Danielle