Little Brown Women

[Erthona]

Thanks for all the crit. Some I had already contemplated before posting, especially the connection between the sun interposed between the wind in hair and swaying. I have just not come up with an answer to it.
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Thanks Achebe, thanks for the read.
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JM wrote: "I think your choice of title and refrain is unfortunate. It manages to be both sexist and racist, to my ears. No other crit."

This was not meant to be sexists, it fact it was meant to be a rebuttal to the term "Little Brown Fuck Machine". I am a feminist, but I do not think that means anti-gender as some feminist seem to be. All these aspects of womanhood described are germane only to women and the are beautiful, not in a sexual or submissive way, but in the way of esthetics. Some people think women should be hard like men (no pun intended), but I think men are hard and cruel enough for both sexes. Not that women cannot be cruel, but in most cases it is a lovers betrayal that makes them that way, or society's devaluing what is naturally wonderful about women, that women feel the need to augment themselves in some way (I don't mean breast). There are just certain things in a woman's nature that men do not possess. If that is sexists, then I stand convicted. Racism, I would have to disagree as they in fact are little, brown and women. If I were to describe a group in a poem as "tall white men" would I be racist?

Tall white men, tall white men,
they're at it again,
trying to win,
stepping on the little one's
they do not see,
nor would they care.
In their suits and ties
and heads all bare.
These tall white men.
Tall white men.

Are both racists? Or if "Little brown women" is racists and "tall white men" is not please explain why? Truly, I don't see the difference.
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Billy,

Thanks for the comments.

"hips swaying to the rhythm a bit cliche for the subject matter"

Yes I know, but it does fit it perfectly and I have nothing else that would not seem contrived.

Billy wrote: " it's not going to make people sit back in awe but i think many will smile from the reading of it. "

Well of course you are jaded
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aschueler

In terms of meter, there really is none, it is cadence, but it will always have passages close to meter, or even drop into meter. The rhythm in the line is suppose to reflect the content of the words. In terms of "sin so" since you brought it up, I would give accents to both, saying it as though it were one word, if I were reading it, as it brings out the alliteration and almost gives it the sound of a hiss. But that is simply how I would read it, the writer cannot conduct the reader
The image is mainly drawn from the pacific rim, but also from Mexico, but no specific place other than my mind.

Thanks for the read and the astute comments.


dale