04-08-2016, 04:58 AM
Hi, I'm not sure of your exact "crime", but love poetry does have certain challenges to pull off.
This is a bit all over the place. The ALL CAPS words stand out self consciously. The emphasis should come from the power of your phrasing not a trick with the font.
The stigmata is the interesting part the rest is a bit predictable. If I had one piece of advice for rewrite I would use the title to drive the poem. While "Touch" is a fairly generic title the way you could make it pop is by making the entire poem about not being able to touch the one you love. So instead of stigmata go crucifixion (figuratively). Frustrate your narrator and you probably build tension and have a more pulled together poem.
Just some thoughts.
Best,
Todd
This is a bit all over the place. The ALL CAPS words stand out self consciously. The emphasis should come from the power of your phrasing not a trick with the font.
The stigmata is the interesting part the rest is a bit predictable. If I had one piece of advice for rewrite I would use the title to drive the poem. While "Touch" is a fairly generic title the way you could make it pop is by making the entire poem about not being able to touch the one you love. So instead of stigmata go crucifixion (figuratively). Frustrate your narrator and you probably build tension and have a more pulled together poem.
Just some thoughts.
Best,
Todd
(04-07-2016, 08:20 PM)jeh Wrote: Yes, this commits one of those basic poetry crimes and is about love, but is it at all interesting to the reader anyway?
Title: Touch
I fail to ASTOUND you
but my words still pour forth
as a LIFETIME can exist
in the space
between your eyes and mine.
I am a mendicant of love
hands scarred in stigmata of passion,
drinking from this cup, bitter and sweet,
these hands creating music
to avoid reaching for that which they will never hold;
I can make love without touching --
keep smiling
laugh I pray
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson