American Beauties

[71degrees]

One spring the city we lived in was sex,
caught heat in cool, rainy weather

we slept next to a radiator by a window
on the east side

it was our slice of space: damp sheets,
crepe-like wallpaper, orange and yellow

For one whole season, you left your vagina- Can this line be stronger? Disrupts the flow of the poem.
where I could find it

Later, you thanked me, but explained
there’d been a change in our story

and you left just after all the American Beauties
broke their first blossoms

I love everything about this poem. I how how its simplicity is what makes it raw and unnerving. I love how you chose few, yet very impactful words to tell a story that still allows the reader to fill in the blanks, constructing a whole relationship and lives  of those narorated to us. This poem is relatable and raw, not sugarcoating the death of a relationship as pure romantics might do. The only change I would consider is to look over the line "for one whole season, you left you vagina." This line ruined the flow of the poem for me and just seemed a little oddly placed or "off" (for the lack of a better word). Amazing job.

Critiques are running about 50/50 for this image. I am inclined to leave the image but I think the "order" of how it is presented can be looked into. Glad you liked the poem. I am encouraged by its reception in the places I have posted it. Thanks.

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71degrees, this is difficult to crit as it's such a smooth, polished piece. There really isn't anything wrong with it but I can make a suggestion: it might give this poem more depth if you went into and explored the romantic relationship at hand a bit. You might be able to draw out the emotions involved and that in turn may draw the reader into your work. Very pretty as it stands though. Thanks for the read,

- Matt

You know, Matt, even though you may be right, sometimes there are subjects that don't need any more depth or explanation. We didn't really have a relationship...all we did was have sex. Fun but nothing more than that. I may have been willing to stick it out longer, but she wasn't. And really, I didn't argue much when she said it was over. I knew it, too. I have written about her before and maybe some day I can put a longer piece together. Thanks for liking the poem. Appreciate it very much.