04-02-2016, 06:50 AM
Hello - well, that's quite some work! The fact that you have dispensed with meter makes it very difficult to read though. Add the word inversions, and the 'WTF?' moments like 'our awaited rejoice' (I admit, when I couldn't read it from the top, I went to the bottom and started again there, but no better. 
) and it's all a bit too out of focus, for me.
You'd have to pay me to do a line-by-line crit though.
) and it's all a bit too out of focus, for me. You'd have to pay me to do a line-by-line crit though.