The Myth of Sisyphus (edit 0.01 Billy)

[RiverNotch]

I did actually consider the whole legs cut off as a metaphor, but it felt like a metaphor that was just so out there, like there was an element of gore that felt at one end inappropriate, at another end dispensable -- inappropriate in that it colors the whole poem too much to one off-the-road way, dispensable in that the experiences related in the article you linked to, at least for me, have the same brevity and punch already.

I guess I completely missed your [or the poem's] complete neutrality to the event -- might be related to the article? which was I think very one-sided; or at least to the issue, which doesn't feel like something you can't help but take sides in.

The Myth of Sisyphus
(apologies to Camus)
 
I was at the Jobcentre;
they cut off my legs
then told me to run
to my next appointment
or I would get  sanctioned.
 
erthona
 
©2016

Dale,

I've read this over a few times now and have wondered how best to reply. The title is interesting, although I am unsure whether the apology to Camus is a way of saying that 'The Myth of Sisyphus' is reference to his use of the the myth or if it indeed is just an apology for using the same metaphor as him, I don't think that it is necessary.
"they cut off my legs" fits in well with the title and Camus' ideas of the 'absurdity' of life, although if it is a metaphor it would seem like it is almost the same metaphor as rolling a rock up a hill in the way that Sisyphus had to. So have you used two metaphors to explain the same situation? Or is it Sisyphus that is getting his legs cut off? It is unclear because both options are a possibility. I like the idea of Sisyphus being the one going to the Jobcentre, this would add to the 'absurd' aspect of the poem.

Just a couple of points on the wording - In the first line I would use the slang word 'Dole' instead of 'Jobcentre' although I appreciate that this would also mean adding a note of explanation.
For the last line I would go with 'be sanctioned' as it seems more of a natural way of saying it. Having said that a British person would be more likely to say 'or my benefits would be stopped', although I understand why you have used the word 'sanction'. 

Perhaps you could use sanction in the title... "The Sanction of Sisyphus" or hmmm just a thought.

Interesting read. I've found it hard not to comment on the actual subject matter as it is a system I know very well and do feel quite passionate about.

Thanks for the read,

Mark

If the apology to Camus were you trying to distance the poem from him, rather than refer to him, I'd think just "Sisyphus" would do. If you were trying to refer to him, then something's missing -- that air of joy or defiance by my understanding the existentialist referred to.

And on your new edit, I think comma instead of semicolon.