03-30-2016, 06:07 PM
the question should be how do you think you can improve it? ten minutes to get it down is great, but in general poets then have to do some major edits before asking for advice. at present it looks like a 5 or ten minute poem, make it look like a 30 to 60 minute poem.
you could be me
so first off, puzzle poems if that's what it is, it still need to work as poetry. the rhyme doesn't work. all i'm getting from this piece are questions that don't hold me enough to want to answer. try and give it more depth, use some imagery [metaphor/simile]
you could be me
so first off, puzzle poems if that's what it is, it still need to work as poetry. the rhyme doesn't work. all i'm getting from this piece are questions that don't hold me enough to want to answer. try and give it more depth, use some imagery [metaphor/simile]
(03-30-2016, 12:54 PM)jmmc137 Wrote: I play both roles.
I am death and dark,
I am life and light,
I burn, I build, I blind,
I clarify, I am doubt,
I burst with courage,
I call you ugly, I kiss you
goodnight, I lie to
myself, I love myself,
I bury myself, but I
rise as well.
A ten minute freewrite! Critiques, comments, improvements?