03-30-2016, 11:53 AM
Here are my two cent ideas 
1/ I think there are something wrong with meter in some of the sentences. For example, "maybe it's superficial the game that you play" doesn't sound smooth. Another example may be "for are they not more solemn and wise?". The whole poem has many abrupt interruption and sounds like multiple pieces not connecting to each others well enough. Sorry if this is vague.
2/ I am quite at a loss regarding the meaning of the poem. The image is that a tree is growing toward the sky, how is that working toward early grave? Also, sky is...not countable I believe. Beside, the last four sentences are sort of out of nowhere. What do you try to tell with those???
1/ I think there are something wrong with meter in some of the sentences. For example, "maybe it's superficial the game that you play" doesn't sound smooth. Another example may be "for are they not more solemn and wise?". The whole poem has many abrupt interruption and sounds like multiple pieces not connecting to each others well enough. Sorry if this is vague.
2/ I am quite at a loss regarding the meaning of the poem. The image is that a tree is growing toward the sky, how is that working toward early grave? Also, sky is...not countable I believe. Beside, the last four sentences are sort of out of nowhere. What do you try to tell with those???