Sleep

[Beyond all Lines]

Clear was the sky today, all blue with few clouds;
and what he chose to do, was sleep with a few doubts.
The sun reached the zenith and things seemed to clear,
The rumble in his belly was all he could hear.

Get up now she said. Go brush your teeth.
Wash your silly face and come to eat.
Slowly with effort he rose to the task,
blanket still warm, while he searched for his glass.

Had the food, dishes were done,
back to sleep, clock struck one.
Time to dream, he said now.
Don't disturb! You may go to town.

Bring me a pillow, a feathery one,
red in color, soft as a bun.
Big enough for both to share;
when we lie naked and bare.

As the sun goes down, we shall see;
our passions growing, just you and me.

There were some things in this poem I think you got wrong but others that you did really well, 'and what he chose to do, was sleep with a few doubts' this line had maybe too many words or needs some rearranging, but just doesnt sound right  to me. Also paragrapg 3 is abit confusing, it's written as if the character is rapidly switching from asleep to awake, that  part needs looking at. Really like this poem though, I can see it being something special. Especially liked I think your second paragraph was spot on, great imagery and gave me a cute imagining of the characters