03-29-2016, 02:24 PM
I must agree with pretty much everything dukealien has brought out here, especially the whitespace around live. There are very few circumstances where I think it's a good idea, and here it definitely feels like it is. I don't really like the repetition of "movement" or "consumed", as and would likely opt for "motion" in the second occurrence of movement and some other (more or less powerful, up to you) word in place of the second consumed. Aside from this little nit-picky thing, it is entirely not bad.
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona