03-29-2016, 03:52 AM
Let me take a different tact here. Try not to say everything so directly. Try approaching the poem at a slant. One way to do this is to think of a central image that can represent the ideas of the poem. Then by approaching that image you make the poem more fresh and interesting.
Example (not what you should do necessarily just to illustrate): Instead of, "You swore we'd die entwined" think of something entwined in nature--the roots or branches of trees maybe. Then you can play with the tree image throughout to show the blight of the relationship without coming out and stating it.
The poem is screaming for imagery.
Hope that helps some.
Best,
Todd
Example (not what you should do necessarily just to illustrate): Instead of, "You swore we'd die entwined" think of something entwined in nature--the roots or branches of trees maybe. Then you can play with the tree image throughout to show the blight of the relationship without coming out and stating it.
The poem is screaming for imagery.
Hope that helps some.
Best,
Todd
(03-18-2016, 09:59 AM)DC Black Wrote: I'm leaving us my love,
my reckless entanglement,
my fucking mad, headlong descent
into today.
You swore we'd die entwined
in each other,
loving each other.
Give me a chance you said,
to prove my love, you said.
Ha! you had me there,
I didn't ever see this coming,
This cold, this freezing cold,
I'd have taken hatred any day.
Didn't I deserve that,
at least that?
Didn't I, my love?
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson