03-26-2016, 07:32 AM
Hi Helena,
I agree with those that have posted replies previously. I do have one recommendation for you; you may want to break this poem up into several parts. It seems like the poem starts out ok, and then it just begins to ramble on. If you were to rethink it and break it into two or three parts covering the topic in easier to digest pieces. Also you need to (as others have already pointed out) gives imagery. Just do not tell us about your pain show it to us through words. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then you must paint that picture carefully if you want anyone to read it.
Thanks, Matt
I agree with those that have posted replies previously. I do have one recommendation for you; you may want to break this poem up into several parts. It seems like the poem starts out ok, and then it just begins to ramble on. If you were to rethink it and break it into two or three parts covering the topic in easier to digest pieces. Also you need to (as others have already pointed out) gives imagery. Just do not tell us about your pain show it to us through words. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then you must paint that picture carefully if you want anyone to read it.
Thanks, Matt