03-26-2016, 06:02 AM
to me it seems like you suddenly switch from rugby to boxing metaphors in S2 (ringing the bell / beating to the punch). Though the punch pun is delicious. It's an abrupt, seemingly random transition that confuses the reader.
I am also not sure about 'unscrew the girl' - not clear how this relates to you. Surely the whole point is that none of them has screwed you, the come out trans? The pun in 'screw' doesn't work either.
Great poem.
I am also not sure about 'unscrew the girl' - not clear how this relates to you. Surely the whole point is that none of them has screwed you, the come out trans? The pun in 'screw' doesn't work either.
Great poem.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe