03-26-2016, 05:48 AM
Hi River, you've got some really good lines here, especially toward the end of the poem. I think the first part could do with some attention to grammar because it's really difficult to read and it ends up feeling choppy, which is not a good entry to the rest of the poem. I'd suggest putting back some of the words you've felt weren't necessary.
The title is pretty cheesy. For me, this detracts from the content and could be construed as belittling. Personally I have no special attachment to dear baked Sylvia, but others do and as those are your audience, it's probably best not to offend them too much.
The title is pretty cheesy. For me, this detracts from the content and could be construed as belittling. Personally I have no special attachment to dear baked Sylvia, but others do and as those are your audience, it's probably best not to offend them too much.