Heart

[billy]

why do you fear them? [dark/thunder/loneliness]? cliches in general don't work well in poetry, despite what some may tell you; the "in general" applies to this poem.

It is simply
marvelous,
wonderful,
breathtaking.

sounds like a skiing holiday or bungy jump. make it mean something or leave it out. each word should add something to the poem.

watch out for an excess of words that weigh the poem down

Note: This is my first poem, I wanted to put this on serious workshopping, but I don't feel it's advanced enough,I hope you enjoy!  ~The Raven


Heart


I fear Darkness,
I fear Thunder,
I fear Loneliness.

My heart is a raven this line works, it places a strong image in the readers mind. this effect is what you need to aim for
Feathers dark as the night itself,
Eyes empty, 
void of light

Nestled in its tree,
Alone,
waiting.

The Sun is shining
but not within my view,
not within my heart.

I have seen the Sun before,
I have witnessed its
Incandescent beauty,
The hope it brings, 
The joy.

When I see it
the raven halts
then its wings flutter
I grow faint,
weak,

It is simply
marvelous,
wonderful,
breathtaking.

My heart is a dove,
Wings white as snow,
Eyes filled with light,

I feel Passion,
I feel Hope,
I feel Love.