No Vacancy

[Matthew McKeown]

Loneliness owns everything,
in the hearts of crippled men.  
Walking down the path of fools,
back through what could have been.
Every word unspoken,
an indictment from on high.
No consolation to be found,
in understanding why.
Of course you know it's all your fault,
there's no one else to blame.
The guilt is yours alone to bare,
as is the crushing shame.
The others used to come around,  
and you felt more alone.  
They might not have wasted their time,
had any of them known.
All the things you could have done,
the changes that weren't made.
The friends that left you far behind,
the bitterness that stayed.
All the chances you won't take,
so certain you can't win.
Loneliness owns everything,
in the hearts of crippled men.

Hi Tony,
 
I like your poem it is touching, I would like to make a suggetion about being more descriptive, This is just a suggestion nothing in stone
 
First let me say this so you understand where I am going with my help. I believe a poet should be poetic, 
 
Example: Anyone can say; 
 
"I remember those days when my mother used to burn our dinners" 
 
However the world of readers are counting on us poets and writers to be much more descriptive something like this; 
 
"I remember many a night I would watch my mother, she seemed to have this far away look in her eyes. It was as though she was staring at the dusky twilight that appeared in the summer sky above our little farm. It was on those same nights that she seemed to inevitably burn our dinners"
 
With that idea in mind let's look at your poem.
 
 
Loneliness owns everything,-     same no change
in the hearts of crippled men.  -   it cripples the hearts of men
Walking down the path of fools, -     same no change
back through what could have been. -    through what might have been 
Every word unspoken, -   Every unspoken word
an indictment from on high -   appearing like some apparition, an indictment from on high
No consolation to be found, -   What consolation could be found
in understanding why. -   same no change
 
space-------
 
Of course you know it's all your fault, -   same no change
there's no one else to blame. -   with no one else blame
The guilt is yours alone to bare, -   your guilty conscience is yours alone to bare
as is the crushing shame. -  crushing your life with it's burdens and shame
 
space-------
 
The others used to come around, - When others would come around  
and you felt more alone.   - it was then you felt most alone
They might not have wasted their time, - putting on your mask and wasting their time
had any of them known. - what would they have said if only they had known
 
space---
 
All the things you could have done, -   All the things you should have done
the changes that weren't made. -   the changes you promised yourself and never made
The friends that left you far behind, -   same no change
the bitterness that stayed. -   that bitterness that stayed
 
space----
 
All the chances you won't take, -   same no change
so certain you can't win. -   certain you could never win
Loneliness owns everything, -   same no change
in the hearts of crippled men. -   It cripples the hearts of men
 
Now I am just showing you how I would have written it (this is not me saying this is how you should), 

I am not you and I am confident you have much in your heart to say. So all I am suggesting is you describe that "much" in more detail
 
Thanks, Matthew