03-20-2016, 01:45 PM
The over use of commas does not improve this piece, however I am curious, what is a "fucking mad"?
If one did a survey of all the poetry sites that have been on, or are currently on the web there are about one hundred thousand similar poems and that is not hyperbole. It seems everyone when starting to write poetry, which generally coincides with the onset of falling in love feels compelled to write this type of poem (of course this seems to apply to just about anyone starting to write poetry, like people as old as fifty or sixty).
In terms of it's makeup or use of tropes, there is a complete misuse of the metaphor used. A metaphor is not an opposition: a this versus that, although that seems how it is attempted to be used.
"This cold, this freezing cold,
I'd have taken hatred any day."
There is nothing concrete, all is abstract, so in the end there is nothing for the reader to latch on to in terms of a story or emotionally: there is nothing for the reader to care about.
I do commend the writer on not using most of the cliches and words used in love poetry, with the exception of using love four times. I used to have a list I had written of the 101 words not to use in a love poem, this was easy to do as they were so commonly overused. Love and its variations was of course were at the top of the list.
There are two recommendation I have for writing love poetry. That one (that is, the poet) wait a few years, during which he/she is writing poetry on a constant basis before attempting such; something like ten years for most, of course others should never attempt it at all and... never write a love poem while in love.
Poetry is quite difficult enough without inflicting love on it. Love poems, like home movies, are generally only entertaining to ourselves.
Welcome to the site,
Best,
dale
If one did a survey of all the poetry sites that have been on, or are currently on the web there are about one hundred thousand similar poems and that is not hyperbole. It seems everyone when starting to write poetry, which generally coincides with the onset of falling in love feels compelled to write this type of poem (of course this seems to apply to just about anyone starting to write poetry, like people as old as fifty or sixty).
In terms of it's makeup or use of tropes, there is a complete misuse of the metaphor used. A metaphor is not an opposition: a this versus that, although that seems how it is attempted to be used.
"This cold, this freezing cold,
I'd have taken hatred any day."
There is nothing concrete, all is abstract, so in the end there is nothing for the reader to latch on to in terms of a story or emotionally: there is nothing for the reader to care about.
I do commend the writer on not using most of the cliches and words used in love poetry, with the exception of using love four times. I used to have a list I had written of the 101 words not to use in a love poem, this was easy to do as they were so commonly overused. Love and its variations was of course were at the top of the list.
There are two recommendation I have for writing love poetry. That one (that is, the poet) wait a few years, during which he/she is writing poetry on a constant basis before attempting such; something like ten years for most, of course others should never attempt it at all and... never write a love poem while in love.
Poetry is quite difficult enough without inflicting love on it. Love poems, like home movies, are generally only entertaining to ourselves.
Welcome to the site,
Best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.