03-19-2016, 03:08 AM
First sentence: Impossible, unless this is a very large match. Maybe one of those Russian matches.
Second sentence: Needs a grammar intervention. As there is not enough there to guess, I cannot make suggestions.
Third sentence: Cliche - remove
Fourth sentence: No sense, no movement in poem.
Fifth sentence: Seems unrelated to the rest of the poem. Of course the poem entire lacks much in the way of any cohesion, especially past the first three lines.
Do not cap the start of a line unless it is the start of a sentence. Makes for difficult reading. That particular choice (probably related to typesetting), went out circa 1950's.
Best,
dale
Second sentence: Needs a grammar intervention. As there is not enough there to guess, I cannot make suggestions.
Third sentence: Cliche - remove
Fourth sentence: No sense, no movement in poem.
Fifth sentence: Seems unrelated to the rest of the poem. Of course the poem entire lacks much in the way of any cohesion, especially past the first three lines.
Do not cap the start of a line unless it is the start of a sentence. Makes for difficult reading. That particular choice (probably related to typesetting), went out circa 1950's.
Best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.