03-19-2016, 12:24 AM
Hello All, this is my first post here on PigPen. I am asking for some help revising my fourth sonnet, in regards to iambic pentameter and as well as a general critique. I really tried my best to have this poem in full iambic pentameter, I hand wrote it to help myself with the stressing of syllables over the course of 16 hours. I am gracious to hard critiques and criticisms! And if you felt so kind you could leave an interpretation in the comments, for I think this sonnet is rather easy to decipher, and should be fun to read for most. 
Sonnet IV
It's in this moment beauty manifests
Within doey eyes and cordially white jacks
Hidden inside contrast, do hearts climax
Subtle notes and soft keys accord her breasts
As skin meets in harmony on our chests
Moonlight ignites love like midnight lilacs
Under stars, on wooden framing our backs
Beauty sleeps as quietly as love rests
But for how long will this moment so last?
Shall it fade like darkness in the sunlight
And take our hearts to so romantic graves
Life is not as lovely as summer's days
Nor is death as gentle as summer's night
Love so deathly that which tragedy saves
Sonnet IV
It's in this moment beauty manifests
Within doey eyes and cordially white jacks
Hidden inside contrast, do hearts climax
Subtle notes and soft keys accord her breasts
As skin meets in harmony on our chests
Moonlight ignites love like midnight lilacs
Under stars, on wooden framing our backs
Beauty sleeps as quietly as love rests
But for how long will this moment so last?
Shall it fade like darkness in the sunlight
And take our hearts to so romantic graves
Life is not as lovely as summer's days
Nor is death as gentle as summer's night
Love so deathly that which tragedy saves