03-16-2016, 09:59 AM
fluorescent, hello! Just a quick thought on this one:
This may sound like an odd criticism, but I think this poem is over-run with artistry. You have so many wonderful images and word combinations - it really is a pleasure to read, but for the life of me I have no idea what this poem is about. I think you need to find some sort of heart in this thing and bring it to the forefront. I can see this poem being great.
By the way, your closing line is awesome.
Hope I've been helpful. Thanks for the read.
- Matt
This may sound like an odd criticism, but I think this poem is over-run with artistry. You have so many wonderful images and word combinations - it really is a pleasure to read, but for the life of me I have no idea what this poem is about. I think you need to find some sort of heart in this thing and bring it to the forefront. I can see this poem being great.
By the way, your closing line is awesome.
Hope I've been helpful. Thanks for the read.
- Matt