03-15-2016, 11:41 AM
Heslopian, hello!
Your word usage in this is wonderful. Yet somehow I find myself wondering about the heart of it. I get the distinct impression something's gone over my head - that or what I'm looking for isn't there. Maybe that was in part your intent. I don't know. Some bits and pieces:
But what, in all our nightmares and dreamscapes,
revives itself, to darken, steadily,
creeping ivies, gold hinges?
Love "gold hinges" here
(A peanut-smelling show with jars
of hands and scalps and eyeless babes,
given each a sagging desk.
'The richness of deformity!'
a wasting barker cries.)
Peanut-smelling? I don't follow. Also the notion of every desk sagging seems improbable.
Your closing line is exceptional.
I'm a big fan of this. Look forward to reading more of yours,
- Matt
Your word usage in this is wonderful. Yet somehow I find myself wondering about the heart of it. I get the distinct impression something's gone over my head - that or what I'm looking for isn't there. Maybe that was in part your intent. I don't know. Some bits and pieces:
But what, in all our nightmares and dreamscapes,
revives itself, to darken, steadily,
creeping ivies, gold hinges?
Love "gold hinges" here
(A peanut-smelling show with jars
of hands and scalps and eyeless babes,
given each a sagging desk.
'The richness of deformity!'
a wasting barker cries.)
Peanut-smelling? I don't follow. Also the notion of every desk sagging seems improbable.
Your closing line is exceptional.
I'm a big fan of this. Look forward to reading more of yours,
- Matt