03-15-2016, 10:58 AM
tectak - hello! This is my first critique in this forum. I hope you find it useful.
On the whole I like the way this hangs together. There are some aspects I really like, but some of your imagery isn't working for me. In particular -
"A mist crawls down, spring-born in woody fell, spilling like milk."
To me, mist and milk are so dissimilar they don't work as a simile. I can't wrap my head around the image.
"Another cast or two before the sun gives up its ghosts"
Is this a reference to the passing of shadows? I don't get it.
"The mist mutes all"
Not sure if this qualifies as imagery, but does mist mute? I don't know. Gave me pause.
On a more positive note, this line: "whenever my rod tip bends and dips…or when a letter arrives" comes right out of left field and works wonderfully. Loved it. It speaks to the rest of the poem beautifully and simply.
Well done, looking forward to reading more of yours,
- Matt
"
On the whole I like the way this hangs together. There are some aspects I really like, but some of your imagery isn't working for me. In particular -
"A mist crawls down, spring-born in woody fell, spilling like milk."
To me, mist and milk are so dissimilar they don't work as a simile. I can't wrap my head around the image.
"Another cast or two before the sun gives up its ghosts"
Is this a reference to the passing of shadows? I don't get it.
"The mist mutes all"
Not sure if this qualifies as imagery, but does mist mute? I don't know. Gave me pause.
On a more positive note, this line: "whenever my rod tip bends and dips…or when a letter arrives" comes right out of left field and works wonderfully. Loved it. It speaks to the rest of the poem beautifully and simply.
Well done, looking forward to reading more of yours,
- Matt
"