Around Again

[ellajam]

Hi, rocky, welcome to the Pen.

Around Again


Some say we’re back at the beginning,
but maybe it’s just the intermission,
and we’ve forgotten where we’ve left the popcorn.
The movie plays on,
but we’re still in the lobby
eternally wondering if the guy will get the girl
or vice verse.
I don't really get the first line, who would say we're back at the beginning and why? I'd like a less confusing opening. The rest is interesting and fun to think about. I don't think you need the comma on L2 or the vice verse, what would be the difference between boy/girl and girl/boy?

We play a slick reversal, and soon
it is we who know how to call the shots
and do the chasing,
around the block corner block or corner
over the railroad tracks
where we find the old boxcar of our dreams
with the hairy mustached man sitting there, I'd cut hairy.
waiting for us to jump aboard the moving steel
and leave the rocks under our shoes behind.
The punctuation through the middle lines is missing but on the whole a nice read.


We enter a new world we may return from eventually -
now returning seems silly. I haven't been able to reconcile these to lines, maybe I'll get it at some point.
Trees fly by on the way to somewhere
and blue sky doesn’t look so real
when eyes dilate and lose focus
on the specifics of life.
Nice sense of movement, I'm not sure you need the last line. The whole doesn't quite come together for me, I'm not sure how we got here.

Thanks for the read, good luck with it.