Consciousness

[Erthona]

This is basically a series of ideas linked together around the the cliche of "finding oneself, or exploring the human condition". There is nothing here that has not been hashed and rehashed a thousand times before, and the presentation brings no freshness to the discussion, plus there is little that one could call poetry here as it is lacking in poetic tropes, or any rhythmic quality to give it energy to move it along. It drained energy from this reader, just to force my way to the end. Sorry, but overall, this is very sophomoric and has little to recommend itself to a reader. Possibly the writer would be better advised to try something with more structure, as there is no sense of skill or awareness of how to write unstructured, or free verse poetry. This is not just advice for this writer, but for any writer who wishes to attempt free verse, or free form poetry, if you will. One must first have a modicum of grounding in formal poetry to understand what is happening in less structured poetry, just as one must have a solid base in the study of music before one can improvise. Please to not take this as the critic attempting to be "mean" to the "writer". Most everyone it seems must learn this lesson, unless brought up with an education in formal poetry. It is very easy to read free verse and think "I can do that" when the person is actually only cognizant of about 10% of what is going on in the poem.

I do not recommend giving up, I do recommend learning about formal poetry, poetic tropes, especially metaphor, and the various devices used to impart energy to a poem. There is plenty of information on the site and many people who will help you along the way if you are willing to put in the time.

Best,

dale