A Cure for a Stammer edit 0.1keith,tiger

[tectak]

Finally back. Sorry it took so long. 
As discussed, I think it's possible you enjoyed writing it more than reading it. But we all do. 
What I want most is for the stutters to be in the right place. In my limited experience a stutter is a bit like an emotional bottle neck. The bottle gets flipped upside-down and the pressure builds mostly on words and ideas too big to get out. I'll try my best to demonstrate below...
 

I thuh-thuh thought that I would sleep, but no.
I muh-muh must have been awake all night.
I'm sure I'm happy  nuh-nuh now but know
that wuh-wuh what I done just wasn't right. In this first strophe the words "sleep, awake, happy and right" carry the most emotional weight. I think these are the words a stammerer would stammer on.You may be right but it is moot. The narrator is "stammering out" his story and it is probably not relevant which words he stammers on. The emotion attached to the story is overpoweringly more than to individual words. Anyhoo, I was there  

I nuh-nuh know what people think of me.
For fuh-fuck's sake try walkin' in my shoes.
I hated kids way buh-back when, but we
were all kids then,  though that ain't no excuse. Fuck is a tough one. If they're mad they would not stutter on it. If they're nervous about being so bold, they certainly would.So he was nervous...though I have not heard this theory before. Non-stutterers DO sometimes stutter on isolated words when, for example, lying. In this case, the narrator is risking a stutter to make a strong and inwardly truthful point...I am consciously trying to get the stutter rate down as the story unfolds. I guess that I thought this is germane

The guh-guh girls, I saw them look  away: absolutely on girls 
and  from  behind their ears went up, a sign too confusing for the N's voice
that they were pullin' faces so I'd say
fuh-fuh fuck you bitch, and  lose face every time. do we feel like we've lost face saying "fuck you"No...but you would if you said fuh-fuck you...that is the point. Oops...just noticed an extra fuh-fuckin fuh-foot! See edited version.

Except just once, her name was Clementine. couldn't she just be "Joan"? We have gone past J-J-J-Joan and C-C-C-Clementine by now.
She had a kinda tick that made her twitch. this line is subtly wonderful
The other girls would ask  her for the time
then luh-luh laugh n' call her Wind-up Witch. for God's sake stutter on the W's. Please exploit this.You are right. Trouble is the two W's. Wuh wuh wind-up whu whu Witch just ran out of muh muh meter

We tuh-tuh talked most evenin's walkin' back. talked and twitched are right. Grinned sounds like a forced rhyme every time I read it. Not your fault. Hha
She tuh-tuh twitched, I stammered, but  we grinned.You know, I had a lot of choices in this line BUT the silent unspoken nature of the shared emotional response, the grin, just seemed right. I didn't reverse rhyme it and so if anything it is the "sinned" which is forced.
The other kids would gather like a pack
and chant our names like we had somehow sinned.

One day I kissed her rough on thuh-the mouth. stutter on "kissed" no questionYes. I will change it. Good. It will not be easy. The "rough" word is important in its clumsy intent. May take a while.
I guess I thought I loved her...but she cried.
She ruh-ruh ran away back to her house
and told her puh-puh pah.Shit, how she lied. a little clumsy here. Easy fix for you.Not sure why it seems clumsy but am open to advice

And thuh-thuh that was when I up't an' went;
I luh-luh left a note for Wind-Up Witch.
The cops let loose the dogs, they got my scent,
and fuh-fuh found me hidin' in a ditch. this works well

I never got the chance to tell my side.
I tried buh-but the words just wouldn't come. "words" stick with the W's for effectYes to this immediately
The judge, she said that all along I'd lied;
that I'd turn out to be a no good bum.

She told me just one chance was all I'd get;
three months  in cuh-correction was my due.
Inside, I got the dirt from guys I met;
when I got out...I knew what I must do.tense gets wonky here. No specific suggestionsGetting close to the now...hence tense shift

So here I stand with smokin' gun in hand. I want a stammer on "gun". Allow me one metrical challenge on this one.  No. Sorry. No stuttering in the final stanza...he is cured
They laughed at me but they're not laughing now.
I guess that now, at last, they understand.
My stammer's gone.Listen...listen...wow!
1tectak2016

Good luck with this. For whatever reason it is a bit of an exhausting read. That can be both good and bad. You have all the metrical tricks in the world to help with tweaking. Use 'em!
Paul

Thanks Paul. Two changes will be incorporated. Credit.
Best,
tectak