The Madness of Frogs
#5
(03-07-2016, 06:27 PM)tectak Wrote:  
(03-06-2016, 07:31 PM)Julius Wrote:  The Madness of Frogs


Someone implied that frogs are mad,
But if that’s true I think it’s sad,
Although as far as I can see
It’s true they jump quite aimlessly.


So just between both you and me
I thought that I would try to see
Whether the claim is really true
That frogs just don’t know what they do.


I sat beside my garden pool
To find a frog I thought a fool.
Then one came out and smiled at me,
Their mouth is very wide you see.


Are you mad?” I asked of him;
Maybe perhaps a little dim?”
But he just sat and looked at me,
Regarded me quite silently.


I then recalled what Mum had said
And I bent down and kissed his head.
A puff of smoke, a flash of light,
A handsome prince was now in sight.


"Oh Sire" I said "if you don’t mind,
Indeed I ask you to be kind,
And speak to me quite openly
About your known insanity."


He scratched his head and thought a bit
And then he spoke these words of wit
If you see me then I am glad;
It isn’t me, but you, that’s mad!”
Hi,
I cannot not like this as I ,too, passed through a frog stage with "When frogs Collide" and "When Frogs Confide" a while back.
In terms of crit, I have to ask...why the line caps? It is retro and confusing, adds nothing to the quality of the piece and is more often than not a pseudo-poetic device.
The meter and form of the piece lends itself to the content in the same way that Comic font is good for Children's books...that is a compliment by the way.
"Their mouth..." is wrong. You know why.
The rhymes ARE forced but why not? You want it to rhyme to give it that "once upon a time/ nursery rhyme" feeling" Good.
Best,
tectak
Thank you for reading and your kind comments. I'll have to hop to it and read some of your "froggy" stuff Smile
I know using line caps is frowned upon today, but I am getting on in age and it was de rigueur during my younger days. It's one of those things I sometimes do and sometimes don't Smile
Now, the point of English, concerning "their mouth". Think of it as "All frogs have a wide mouth". Or "The species frog has a wide mouth". The example I remember from my school days is " The crowd was coming down the street".  That was the way I looked at it, perhaps wrongly?
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Messages In This Thread
The Madness of Frogs - by Julius - 03-06-2016, 07:31 PM
RE: The Madness of Frogs - by Achebe - 03-06-2016, 07:37 PM
RE: The Madness of Frogs - by Tiger the Lion - 03-07-2016, 03:58 PM
RE: The Madness of Frogs - by tectak - 03-07-2016, 06:27 PM
RE: The Madness of Frogs - by Julius - 03-08-2016, 02:00 AM
RE: The Madness of Frogs - by tectak - 03-08-2016, 05:08 AM
RE: The Madness of Frogs - by Julius - 03-09-2016, 08:37 PM
RE: The Madness of Frogs - by actual_trash - 03-11-2016, 12:53 PM
RE: The Madness of Frogs - by Julius - 03-12-2016, 02:03 AM



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