Bitter farewell

[Erthona]

Achebe,
All extraneous verbiage removed

Stanza I
an Elegy, a confessional/an expiation of guilt and a justification
Guinevere speaks in the common tongue, not in high chant (some slight cliche are reasonable)

Stanza II
she searches her soul
she makes a dreadful decision for the husband she loved and betrayed

Stanza III
She does penitence for her betrayal of love.
This is the courtly love tradition reversed.

*I eradicated the mention of Lancelot (with a double entendre like that that and you quibble with me over half cliches, for shame (puts back of hand to forehead), the injustice of it all)     Just who did he lance a lot? You are aware that the Queen, at least in some versions, more the older versions, besides tying a hanky to his staff to signify him as her champion (the king of course could not participate), also would have a doughnut of flowers, as though a small crown, which she would slide down his shaft. Ha! Batter me not unworthy cod...or was it god? Although in my youth I did like being deep fried!

As to your own stanzas " I didn't betray you, you betrayed me" The problem is that she did betray Arthur and she knows she did. She admits this.

"It was not the queen that betrayed you,
it was the women"

So while I could make it more terse, it takes away the subtly of the poem, not to mention the underlying layers. This is an archetype we are working with, and to be to brief would destroy that structure (actually two distinct archetypes).
So while I agree a certain amount of judicious trimming is in order, I must disagree with the severity of your cutting. Certainly it would be nice to reduce the total to three stanzas, more people would be inclined to read it rather than slogged through this long laborious thing that sits like a fat slug upon the page.

I remember a line by Jeff Goldbloom's character in the "Big Chill" (great movie BTW, great soundtrack). His character worked for a newspaper or a magazine. He said, "Never write a piece that the average American can't read while taking a crap. I fear this exceeds that length. However I hear they will soon have a pill one can take that will supply everything one needs to survive. Of course there is no taste, no smell, no satisfaction in chewing, but that hardly matters        

Please forgive the poking of fun, I'm just in a perverse mood this morning. However if you do have so specific line or word recommendations (and I am not dismissing the cliche comment out of hand, I will look for better wording), I would be grateful to hear from you.

Thanks again for taking the the time to read and comment, it is always appreciated,

dale