03-07-2016, 04:44 AM
I think this poem does have potential, you may just have to contemplate a little longer on what exactly it is you want to say. I like the sarcastic voice it carries and the pessimistic view of love vs control can be explored more. I agree the grammar choices were a bit distracting (much more so than the language, which also seemed a bit forced or put in for show). Saying a message with truth and strength is better than flashing it up, in my humble opinion.

