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[rocky20]

I think this poem does have potential, you may just have to contemplate a little longer on what exactly it is you want to say. I like the sarcastic voice it carries and the pessimistic view of love vs control can be explored more. I agree the grammar choices were a bit distracting (much more so than the language, which also seemed a bit forced or put in for show). Saying a message with truth and strength is better than flashing it up, in my humble opinion.