The Destination

[REW]

the final version, in its brevity and succinctness, reads a lot better. good show.

Thank you Achebe for looking.  It is good to know that you feel I have made some improvements.

---

Revision of Revision #3


Under the arch of brow
is a world of geometry:
within the heated expanding center
passions,
through the pigmented light
a soul,
in the focus
intellectual curiosity;
the beam,
love warm and illuminating.
 
I find my way home:
delighted in ovals, lost circles,
sad to ever see a crescent leak a tear.


Revision of Revision #2

Under the arch of brow
is a world of geometry:
within the heated expanding center
passions,
through the pigmented light
a soul,
in the focus
intellectual curiosity;
the beam,
love warm and illuminating.
 
You guide me
against waves and
illuminate fog so that I
may find my way.

Delighted in ovals, lost circles
sad to ever see a crescent leak a tear
is where I am home.


Revision of Revision #1

Under the arch of brow
is a world of geometry:
within the heated expanding center
passions,
through the pigmented light
a soul,
in the focus
intellectual curiosity;
the beam,
love warm and illuminating.
 
Your lighthouse over a craggy cliff
guides my ship against choppy waves,
pierces opaque fog so that I
may dock in our harbor, home
to gaze into your colorful kaleidoscope
lost in a circle, delighted in an oval,
sad to ever see a crescent leak a tear.



Original (original title, A Journey)

Through the arch of a brow
is a world of geometry:
in the heated expanding center
passions,
in the pigmented light
a soul,
in the focus
intellectual curiosity,
the beam
love warm and illuminating.
 
A lighthouse on a craggy cliff
guides a ship to dock in the harbor
and I am home.

Slight Tweaking of the Original (One I am most happy with)

Under the arch of a brow
is a world of geometry:
within the heated expanding center
passions,
through the pigmented light
a soul,
in the focus
intellectual curiosity,
the beam
love warm and illuminating.
 
A lighthouse on a craggy cliff
guides a ship to dock in the harbor
and I am home.

A novice critique if I may

I enjoyed the verse very much and you had me until the last 3 lines all of a sudden I felt I was thrown from someplace warm and welcoming and into the sea.

Oh thanks reluctant poet for reading.  I am assuming you are referring to my older version and not revision 3.  Yeah I can see how you felt plunked in the sea.  I appreciate you sharing your reaction.