03-02-2016, 10:38 AM
Stopping by Woods on a Snow Evening is definitely along those lines, but the speaker is clearly not dead at the finish. "L'appel du vide" is how my professor explained it. It has a place in what I've written as well, just not in the exact same way. Here, it's meant to be a daily occurrence for the man: hearing the call everyday, but never acting on it. I might eliminate stanza 6, as it seems way too out of place, and honestly I forced it in there. Stanzas 5 and 7 are probably going to the first ones I focus on editing.
Edit: Thank you all for the feedback so far. I've edited the original post with the next version, but I don't believe it is quite up to par yet. A little summary of the changes.
Stanzas 1 & 2: Reworded, rearranged. Focused on making a clearer image. Fixed some holes in the meter that I previously ignored.
Stanza 4: Third line reworded, no significant change to the sense of it (unsure if that comma is grammatically correct or not, too lazy to check right now).
Stanza 5: 'word' had been repeated, second occurrence replaced with 'print'
Stanzas 6&7 (original): removed entirely. Too much tell, not enough show. Might be reworked.
New stanza added, though it still needs some attention.
Edit: Thank you all for the feedback so far. I've edited the original post with the next version, but I don't believe it is quite up to par yet. A little summary of the changes.
Stanzas 1 & 2: Reworded, rearranged. Focused on making a clearer image. Fixed some holes in the meter that I previously ignored.
Stanza 4: Third line reworded, no significant change to the sense of it (unsure if that comma is grammatically correct or not, too lazy to check right now).
Stanza 5: 'word' had been repeated, second occurrence replaced with 'print'
Stanzas 6&7 (original): removed entirely. Too much tell, not enough show. Might be reworked.
New stanza added, though it still needs some attention.
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona