03-01-2016, 11:22 AM
Your poem lacks compression. It is a grievous fault.
The transition from 3rd person singular to second person happens between stanzas 1 and 2. I feel it is a mistake to introduce the topic with this distance, then immediately change the relationship between narrator and subject.
There is a lot of telling in your poem, and no attempt to portray the relationships with poetic devices. I think you could play with those more, in your revision.
The transition from 3rd person singular to second person happens between stanzas 1 and 2. I feel it is a mistake to introduce the topic with this distance, then immediately change the relationship between narrator and subject.
There is a lot of telling in your poem, and no attempt to portray the relationships with poetic devices. I think you could play with those more, in your revision.