Bitter farewell

[Tiger the Lion]

Hey Dale. Enjoyed this one. I'll make some notes below.

Bitter farewell

Arthur, see him lying there,
cold and dead,(?)
This is not the Arthur I knew, (.)
where is the life, new sentence I think makes the above statement stronger.
the relentless vigor,
the burning intellect,
That helped forge this kingdom,
from petty kings? This seems like a statement sandwiched between 2 questions. I would consider punctuating it that way. Suggestion in red.
 
How I hated you,
so noble and pure,
always the country first, "England" might be nicely subbed for "the country" here in this first instance. For specifics and sonics. Just a thought.
before yourself, before me.
How difficult to live
in your shadow, cold. too cliche for you
Where was the warmth
of a husband?
 
Duty always came first to you, my preference would be a semicolon here
duty to the country.
Damn this country
that sucked the life from our love.
Our marriage bed so often cold,
I needed warmth,
all I received was the frigid honor
of being your queen.
 
For all his burning, Lancelot
was not near so warm as you,
but your duty always
stood between us,
like a wall between
a cold traveler and the fire.
Damn you Arthur,
how dare you leave me now.(?)
 
It was not the queen that betrayed you,
it was the women,
but you betrayed me first,
left me to him,
then condemned me
when I sought him out,
but yours was the greater affair. "greater affair" is an interesting phrase. Lots to read into it. 
 
You always loved this country
more than you loved me,
and then expected me
to bed down with her.
You made love to her,
let her suck the life from you,
this vampire bitch,
this wanton whore, this Britain. Is this the language your N would use? I mean, I like it, but it sounds like a departure from her voice. I dunno
 
Now that she no longer
has you on which to suckle,
she will now come for me. don't need 2nd now.
Sucking from these barren teats,
leaving me a dried out husk,
just as you, nothing left,
not even a good meal for the worms. "good meal" is a little dull. Maybe something meatier and less meaty at the same time. 
 
They call me whore, slut,
perpetrator of treason,
but that is only because
my sins were so petty.
You never committed petty crimes,
yours were always
the sins of the gods.
 
That is why they hate me!
My sins were so mundane,
yours were always so terribly grand.
They forgave you, even the time
you had all those children slaughtered,
trying to find your errant seed,
that bastard of your downfall, Mordred. some repetition in these last 2 strophes. Could they be combined?
 
No, they forgave you even that,
for wasn't that like the hand of Zeus, slightly awkward reading here for me. 
striking down from the heavens
taking life indiscriminately,
for a larger purpose?
No, my real crime was being a woman, might be stronger without "real"
having a woman’s needs.
 
The people of this fairyland,
will stand only so much humanness
in their gods before they cast them down.
How could you leave me
all alone like this Arthur?
Leaving me to these dogs to tear; 
a piece of meat to savage. love this section but this is where my earlier note applies. Meaty enough for dogs to savage but nothing for the worms?
 
Is this then my punishment, is then needed?
for betraying you?
To try to hold together what we built,
even as it rips me apart, semicolon?
a butchers knife to mutton,
a sacrificial lamb, don't need this comma
in your place on the alter?
 
I can not do it Arthur, I am not you, agree on cannot. If you keep "can not" then I would prefer "do not" on next line. 
I don't love this fickle land like you did.
Though for love of you,
I will lay down with your mistress,
even though it will be my death.
 
But what care I of death, I embrace it, inversion here is fine for the time, but amplifies what I meant by the N's earlier voice.
for without you I am dead already,
May I join you soon my love,
let us stand before God,
and learn to love each other
as we never did on this cruel earth.
 
 erthona
 
©2005 revised 2016

Lastly, I think there's too much of "this country", "the country" going on. Especially as they are clumped together. I didn't want to make specific suggestions beyond "England" in the first instance, but I think some "her"s and "she"s may help.
Hope some of that is helpful. Mostly punctuation and grammatical suggestions. Thematically, you know the subject better than me, so I won't throw my hat in.
Paul