02-26-2016, 07:40 AM
Hi Julius, nice poem, personally I love sonnets. Although I agree with most comments - that it comes across quite cliche - however, there are a few lines that I really liked that made me think of my partner of many years
Take comfort in the warmth of my embrace
And smile, as softly with my finger tip
I trace familiar contours of your face.
I ask no more of life than tenderness,
I really felt that and the honesty in your poem really comes across in those poems.
A suggestion… it may benefit from being a bit more specific to your beloved and your relationship together for all these years because what your describing is a universal feeling- the feeling will still translate but allow us to experience it in a new way, vicariously through your relationship. I guess thats the problem with cliche in a poem, it doesn't give us the opportunity to be taken away together with you in the poem.
Take comfort in the warmth of my embrace
And smile, as softly with my finger tip
I trace familiar contours of your face.
I ask no more of life than tenderness,
I really felt that and the honesty in your poem really comes across in those poems.
A suggestion… it may benefit from being a bit more specific to your beloved and your relationship together for all these years because what your describing is a universal feeling- the feeling will still translate but allow us to experience it in a new way, vicariously through your relationship. I guess thats the problem with cliche in a poem, it doesn't give us the opportunity to be taken away together with you in the poem.