The Root

[Weeded]

I just wanted to let you know that I've twice attempted to leave a detailed crit behind and twice lost my internet connection at the time of posting. Perhaps that's a sign.

All good hehe I know the feeling. Sometimes my keyboard gets in the way and I press back to make it go away then poof all my crit... Gone 

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I like this one, and agree with the sentiment... which makes it a little hard to critique the craft well, but here goes.

General critique:  basically iambic tetrameter but not rigidly so, usually a comic meter in English - this might almost be too serious for it, but taken as a rap performance and without comic passages (actually a bit sardonic, in my reading) the meter fits.

A few infelicities noted below.  Hope this is mild enough - many comments, but most are basically appreciative.

It starts small, slowly spreading like
a bitter taste some like. Some don't.  Nice little turn on variant meanings of "like"
Until a zealot makes it so
important people turn corrupt  Good contre-reverte from "so" in the apparent cliche "make it so" to "so" as comparative
just for a single second of
that aftertaste. It burns you numb  Didn't like this on first reading - why like an aftertaste?  Then develops to mean numbing, answering the annoyance as if it were a question
until you need it; once you need
it you demand it, which creates
supply essential every time  I trip over "supply essential" which means, I think, demand here.  Forced by meter, or making a point?
a person tastes. The zealot knows
his forte tricks like his right hand,  "forte tricks" is good, also (to me) echoes "forty licks" or "forty whacks" - with the added virtue of internal rhyme into "blind"
surrounding blind heretics with
men who need, so schismatic zeal
turns into zealots. More zealots  Schismatic zeal actually turns into zealotry, not zealots - a forgiveable shortcut but a slight hitch, intellectually.  Also breaks the iambic here since "zealots" can't be both an iamb and a trochee in the same line (but an allowable substitution, certainly)
turn into a small annoyance  This is trochaic no matter how I try to make it iambic.  Which is fine - you're in a change-up after the last line and it's resolved in the next.  If you didn't want the change-up, it can be edited to regularize.
for some while others don't quite mind.

In fact, supply control is their  Thought at first this was a place for change - move "strength" up to this line...
strength. They change worlds, all for a taste.  but on reflection it's another contre-reverte when spoken (heard as "there").  But, IMHO, this is a place for substitution to place emphasis on "strength" which would be unstressed in iambic.  Suggest removing "all" because the line stumbles (for me) with it in there.
Addiction spreads, so they become
more. With more brings demand which brings  Similar situation to the above - can the first word be stressed more
men power. They sit back and laugh
because they know how simple rules
create them while others remain  "Others" makes me stumble here - change word to a natural iamb?
blind to the taste that somehow sparks
like French champagne on the mouths roof,  This line needs work - "mouths" needs an apostrophe, but still feels clumsy when spoken.  "French" and "the" are disposable; work in a descriptive verb like "buzzes" or "numbs," perhaps?
tickling like sensations of breath
or comfort building cellars on
gravesites and tombs. The product: all  I frankly don't get the simile here, and the rhythm is somewhat broken by "gravesites."

you see. No grape just bottles full  But the contre-reverte leap into the further choice of "all you see" as either statement or aside ("all, you see") is  very good, IMO.
for you. Go on and have a taste,

now tell me what you see.  Cute extended line break allowing reader time to quaff that introductory sample.

Duke,
Thanks for the feedback! I'm sorry to ask this, but what is contre-reverte? I tried to figure out myself but nothing appeared in google search 

And this is actually one of my first poems where I tried to focus entirely on meter, I had no idea iambic tetrameter is normally for more comic stuff, so I think that'll be the first thing to change, thanks for pointing that out. Your crit is spot on, you've given alot for me to work on, thanks very much
mike