Samsara

[milo]

milo writing accentual verse. I can die now!

" Mange is" 

I think writing this in a villanelle forces you into too many concessions. The "So" at the very beginning alerted me to the fact that this was a form/formal poem as that was such an unnatural way to start. Of course the villanelle becomes apparent with the repetition. I am unsure if one can write a villanelle that sounds natural, I do not believe I have seen one that did not seem artificial. It is just so difficult to cover over the things one must do to adhere to form and still retain a sense that this is natural language. Regardless, you did not achieve that. I felt the form kept you from fully explicating the idea of your title, although you did remarkably well to get in what you did...

"So" should I blame the poet, the form, or the poet for choosing the form for a less than stellar offering?
Maybe all of the above.

dale

I don't think it necessary to blame either but, rather treat it as a work in progress submitted for work shopping and offer specific areas you think need work. The "so" wouldn't be required for it to be metrically correct, btw, it was just added in the latest version.

Thanks for reading and commenting.