Samsara

[milo]

I guess I must be too old-fashioned: I can handle the near-rhymes but the meter is so inconsistent that since you've abandoned two of the most significant precepts of the villanelle, I wonder why you've bothered to use the form at all.  The second lines of both S3 and S4 in particular stand out like mangy dog's balls. L2 of S6 isn't great either.  Are you sure you didn't just translate this straight from Hindi?

Well, the anapaests were inspired by the Plath poem I posted on the same day that inspired it (as were the off-rhymes actually) but that is no excuse for the 4 foot line. I was wondering if it would bother anyone or even be noticeable. I will add a metrically corrected version later.

Thanks for the feedback.