Me in You

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Me in You

~~Julius~~ Offline

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Posts: 49
Threads: 11
Joined: Jan 2016

02-23-2016, 02:20 AM

I can see the idea. However for the poem to work I would suggest some better linkages in the first two lines.
It is not easy to suggest alternatives but perhaps:-
Burning with fever
Freezing to numbness,

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Messages In This Thread

Me in You - by blackeagle - 02-22-2016, 10:10 PM

RE: Me in You - by Julius - 02-23-2016, 02:20 AM

RE: Me in You - by UselessBlueprint - 02-23-2016, 09:20 AM

RE: Me in You - by billy - 02-23-2016, 07:47 PM

RE: Me in You - by blackeagle - 02-23-2016, 09:03 PM

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