02-22-2016, 12:44 AM
ELH is just artificial bullshit to begin with. In Japanese it serves a function as it grew organically from the language, just as iambic tetrameter in the form of "Ballad Meter" did in English. The form in no way enhances the language. As was pointed out, you were forced to add a third line to make it be a haiku, but it makes for a worse poem.
Where I live "grips" would be a better description of what fog does to trees, plus it gets you away from "holds on to". Of course if you really wanted to personify "fog", you could say it "fingers trees", but you may not want the sexual innuendo So jumping on the bandwagon (not saying this is better, but to give you something to think about and reject):
Fog grips (sylvan) trees,
crow's caw echos:
marco---polo.
sylvan in this sense just means inhabited, inhabited by the fog and by the crows and maybe by tree spirits. Just a thought.
dale
Where I live "grips" would be a better description of what fog does to trees, plus it gets you away from "holds on to". Of course if you really wanted to personify "fog", you could say it "fingers trees", but you may not want the sexual innuendo So jumping on the bandwagon (not saying this is better, but to give you something to think about and reject):
Fog grips (sylvan) trees,
crow's caw echos:
marco---polo.
sylvan in this sense just means inhabited, inhabited by the fog and by the crows and maybe by tree spirits. Just a thought.
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.