Smoking Stupid

[RiverNotch]

I remember her, the older girl
with plated, bronze skin.
After we made love one lonely afternoon,
she started up talking about my soul, I don't think you need "up" here -- breaks the smoothness unnecessarily, for me.
how it was like a box of niceness, tied
with frightened pieces of cotton string.

Later, she asked me for a cigarette.
I rolled my eyes, Only for stupid folks.
She replied maybe it was time I started.

Been smoking a pack a day
with thin lips ever since.

The poem does get kinda weaker at the end, but there's no need to change for that, I think. The read of the bit of dialogue for me wasn't as smooth, because though my mind got the flow of the conversation right, my eyes keep asking for italics or quotation marks. The change in time between stanzas 2 and 3 is clear enough for me, and the turn in thought is clear enough too; that great space between the two might be too much, for something this short. Something like ellipsis or em dash instead, perhaps?

I like this. I sorta wonder if this poem's title is a reference to another Raymond Carver poem I just read: http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/thread-7845....ond+carver