02-21-2016, 09:19 PM
Had you not made mention of 'haiku' I would have just treated as a short poem in the short poem forum. Having said that now I see the adherence to 5-7-5 and because of that the last line feels forced and not very natural. Not sure also of how fog holds to trees and I live in Scotland so I know all about every kind of fog.
The second line is excellent so with that in mind and the fact that you don't like haiku then scrap the haiku and go for the image. A suggestion would be
fog -
crows call out
marco polo
Cheers for the read,
Mark
The second line is excellent so with that in mind and the fact that you don't like haiku then scrap the haiku and go for the image. A suggestion would be
fog -
crows call out
marco polo
Cheers for the read,
Mark
wae aye man ye radgie