02-21-2016, 07:53 PM
as a novice poem the [sonnet] form is well executed.
outside the novice forum it wouldn't fair too well. mainly because of the cliches and there are quite a few.
while being sweet enough it loses itself in the myriad of similar sonnets with little to make it stand apart. after reading the sonnet, i know nothing of you or her. all i see is [we loved each other as we grew older] the seasons are one of the most cliched ways of showing the passage of time relating to man. try to be original. great effort, you can do a sonnet, now try at an original one
outside the novice forum it wouldn't fair too well. mainly because of the cliches and there are quite a few.
while being sweet enough it loses itself in the myriad of similar sonnets with little to make it stand apart. after reading the sonnet, i know nothing of you or her. all i see is [we loved each other as we grew older] the seasons are one of the most cliched ways of showing the passage of time relating to man. try to be original. great effort, you can do a sonnet, now try at an original one
(02-20-2016, 07:37 AM)Julius Wrote: Gentle Autumn
Come here my love and lay awhile with me,
And with your weary head upon my breast,
Relax and let your thoughts drift dreamily
As you and I together take our rest.
This is our time of close companionship,
Take comfort in the warmth of my embrace
And smile, as softly with my finger tip
I trace familiar contours of your face.
I ask no more of life than tenderness,
Our youthful times of passion being spent;
But do not think my love is any less,
Or that in life today I’m not content.
We shared our Spring and Summer, dearest wife;
So now the gentle Autumn of our life.